Hi there. Wow. It’s been quite some time since I’ve actually taken the time to sit down and think about all of my thoughts. I should probably give you just a brief update before we dive on in, right?
I meant to check this to see about the last time I wrote on here. I am sure since then, I’ve probably baked countless times. Most recently, I popped out four loaves of Tartine’s sourdough bread. Kind of funny to think that 9 months ago, a friend of mine thought it’d be fun to make sourdough bread babies together (ironically enough Abby, 9 months later, and I’m still making’ bread babies)! There is something so therapeutic about bread. Sure, it takes a lot of time, energy, dedication to the craft (literally hanging out in your house or apartment all day to tend to your bread dough babies). But it’s worth it. I brought in a few loaves of it to my coworkers several weeks ago, and it was devoured by noon. You could even call me a bit obsessed with it. As many of you know, I like to think that I can control just about every aspect of my life. Bread baking, however, makes me realize that this is not at all possible. I have come to compare bread baking much to that of life. Regardless of what you do or how much you do something, each loaf is always going to be different. It’ll have it’s pluses and minuses, like today, when the second loaf did not turn out quite as crispy as I wanted it to. But I must say, it’s going to make the absolute best French toast in the morning.
There’s one update.
I’ve nearly given up social media completely. My Snapchat and Twitter accounts have been completely deleted. And my Facebook and Instagram apps have been removed from my phone. I only allow myself to check Facebook on my laptop and my iPad. But beyond that, that’s it. And you know what? It is extremely therapeutic, much like bread baking. These last two weeks have been much more relaxing. I’ve slowly begun to read more, working my way through this book that I’ve been reading now for several months. I peruse The New York Times almost hourly (could be a new addiction, right?), and I find myself much more aware of everything around me. There is no longer a constant desire to spend countless hours swiping through social media, literally wasting time doing absolutely nothing. I no longer find myself jealous of those traveling abroad and drinking cappuccinos in Italy or eating paella in Barcelona. But rather, I’m focusing on me. And that gives me such life. I bake more. I organize more. I find a new bread recipe or blog to explore.
I wish I could say these last few months have been so peachy keen, but as we all know, there are parts of life that still seem overwhelming. My car is making weird noises, so naturally that gives me an ulcer. I was perusing my student loan debt today as well, which makes me 0 and 2. If anybody is willing to write a $65,000 check today or tomorrow or even the next week, I am more than willing to give you my address. I’ll make you dinner and give you a big hug if you’d like to deliver the check in person. These are those weird moments in life when everything seems so overwhelming, and while my concerns are probably very minimal when compared to others, there are, nevertheless, overwhelming.
It is Sunday, November 4. Where the hell has the time gone? What I am about to say will also sound so very cliche, but the world just seems to keep going 180 miles per hour right in front of you, and you don’t even know where to begin. A former professor of mine asked me this past Thursday about publishing my master’s research. Add that to the laundry list of things I probably should be doing. Will I ever go on to get my PhD? Will I ever pay off this debt? Will I ever even be able to own my own home? Will my car ever stop making this stupid noise? (As I write this, I realize that these sound like the most petty and trivial of matters, but they have seemed to be bundling up so much lately).
A week from today, I will be running my second half marathon…ever! Just six days from now, I will be representing Saint Mary’s College at the Panetta Institute’s annual fundraiser, tuxedo and all. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel, right? Maybe I just need a day off.
be kind to one another.
P.S. I took a screenshot of this quote I received from a professor this week:
“Each of us is the result of a thought of God. Each of us is willed, each of us is loved, each of us is necessary.”
–Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI
Sometimes, we need a reminder like that.